Infertility and the constant conflict between your head and your heart

What do you do on your fertility journey when your heart and your head are in constant conflict with each other?

When you’re struggling against both of them.  They have differing opinions and you’re not sure which one to listen to. 

When your head is screaming to you to stop doing what you’re doing. To get off the IVF rollercoaster. But your heart whispers “just one more time” and is begging you to keep going. 

OR

When your heart is telling you to stop because it hurts too much.  It has been shattered into a million pieces and can’t take it anymore.  But your head is telling you that there’s more to try.  To stop being so soft, and to get back up and keep moving forward.

That internal struggle can be exhausting.  Living inside a body that is fighting with itself is confusing, annoying and filled with uncertainty. 

There were so many moments on our 7-year fertility journey where we struggled to make a decision.  Do we keep pushing forward?  Or do we choose the path of least resistance and create a new life without children?  But there was something deep inside me that kept whispering to keep going.

So, when you’re faced with the internal dilemma, which one do you listen to?  Which one is right?  And how do you get them to agree?

How do you make your head and heart align?

Here’s my view on this…...

Both your head and your heart play an important role on your fertility journey and your life in general.  We can’t live entirely just listening to that voice in our head and always taking the logical path, nor can we merely listen to our heart and go with the flow regardless of consequence.

We need to listen to both with compassion, understanding and curiosity, because they are both trying to guide you.

Firstly, your HEAD is there to protect you.  It's there to keep you grounded and be objective.  To provide you with the logic and reasoning.  But more than anything, it is there to warn you of the danger ahead.  It’s the voice that is trying to keep you safe.  And THAT is a good thing.

There is a disclaimer to this however.  There is sometimes that voice in your head that is NOT being helpful…..it’s being nasty.  You know that voice I’m talking about, right?  It’s the one that tells you that you’re unworthy, that this is probably because you’d be a horrible mother, or that this is karma.  It's the voice that tries to close that loop of WHY this is happening.  Just to be clear....that is NOT the voice we listen to.

Then there is your beautiful HEART.  Your heart is there to give you hope and courage.  It is where your dreams live.  Your heart is also there to guide you from a place of love and desire.  And if you sit still enough and listen to it close enough, it will tell you how brave you are, and give you the peace that you crave.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to your heart and your head.  It’s not one or the other.  They both play an important role in our decision making.  So, it is important that we listen to and acknowledge both equally.

Do they have to agree?  I don’t believe they do. I don’t believe that they have to get on the same page.

It is in our power to stop struggling against them.  Because the struggle is exhausting.

It is in our power to stop fighting against them and start listening to them.  To drop the rope in this game of tug of war we’ve been playing.

Because the fighting is what keeps us stuck.  It keeps us from making the decisions we need to make.  It keeps us living inside our fear.

We’re so scared of making the wrong decision.   But there is no right or wrong decision.

You don’t have to choose a side and betray a part of yourself. 

You’re on the same side, not on opposing teams.  You don’t have to go into battle against each other.  Be kind to yourself.  And work together.

You get to listen to both…..

WITHOUT judgement or resentment.

And instead, with compassion, acceptance, curiosity and most of all…….with courage.