Getting Out of Survival Mode: Start feeling like yourself again on your fertility journey.

Let’s talk about something that most of us experience but don’t always recognize—survival mode. If you’ve been on your fertility journey for some time, you might know this feeling well. That constant state of just getting through the day, feeling stuck, and struggling to imagine anything good coming out of this experience (and life in general). It’s exhausting, and honestly, it can mess with your sense of self in ways you don’t even realize until you’re deep in it.

What Survival Mode Looks Like

So, how do you know if you’re in survival mode? Here are some telltale signs:

• You can’t see the future. It’s hard to picture yourself pregnant, holding your baby, or even reaching the next milestone.
• Decision fatigue is real. Even simple choices—what to eat, whether to RSVP to an event, what show to watch—feel impossible.
• You’re withdrawing. You cancel plans, avoid social situations, and isolate yourself more than usual.

Sound familiar? If so, know that you’re not broken. Survival mode is a completely natural response to prolonged stress. It’s your brain’s way of protecting you. But staying in this state for too long can leave you feeling disconnected—from others, from joy, and most importantly, from yourself.

Why This Happens (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)

I saw this play out firsthand with my sister and sister-in-law, who both went through breast cancer treatment. They emotionally shut down—not because they didn’t care or weren’t feeling anything—but because they needed all their energy to just get through it. At first, I thought they needed to talk it out, to open up. But then I realized—this was their survival mode. They had to focus on the immediate challenge in front of them, and anything beyond that was too much to process.

And honestly? Infertility can feel just as all-consuming. In fact, studies have found that the level of depression and stress that someone experiencing infertility faces, is similar to that of a cancer patient. The constant rollercoaster of hope and heartbreak, the endless appointments, treatments, decisions, and the uncertainty—it’s a lot. Your mind and body are just trying to keep you afloat. But if you’ve been in survival mode for a while, you might be wondering how to start finding your way out.

How to Shift Out of Survival Mode (Without Overwhelming Yourself)

First, let’s be real—you’re not going to snap your fingers and suddenly feel like your old self again. This isn’t about forcing yourself to be positive or pretending everything is fine. It’s about small, doable steps to help you feel like you again.

1. Take a Pause (Yes, Even From TTC)

I know, I know—taking a break can feel like wasted time. But here’s the thing: survival mode thrives on never-ending stress. Giving yourself even a short pause—a month, a few weeks, whatever feels right—can help you step off the hamster wheel long enough to breathe. And no, this doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re giving yourself space to recharge.

2. Lower the Bar

Instead of thinking, I need to get out of survival mode completely, focus on creating moments where you feel good. It could be as simple as sitting in the sun for five minutes, reading a book that has nothing to do with fertility, or laughing at a ridiculous meme. You don’t have to overhaul your entire mindset—just find little pockets of relief.

3. Create a Safe Zone

When you’re in survival mode, everything feels like too much. One way to ease the overwhelm is by curating a sense of safety in your life:

• Choose your people wisely. Spend time with those who lift you up, not those who drain you.
• Detox your social media. Unfollow anything that makes you feel worse (yes, even that well-meaning friend who keeps posting baby photos).
• Limit mental clutter. Give your brain a break—turn off the news, take a break from podcasts, or just sit in silence for a bit.

4. Ask for Help (And Actually Accept It)

Carrying everything on your own is exhausting. Whether it’s a therapist, a coach, a support group, or even just a trusted friend, letting someone in can make a world of difference. And no, this isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s actually one of the strongest things you can do.

Final Thoughts

Survival mode isn’t something to be ashamed of—it’s proof that you’re still fighting. But you don’t have to stay stuck there. By giving yourself permission to pause, lowering expectations, creating a sense of safety, and leaning on others, you can start to feel like yourself again—little by little, moment by moment.

You’re not alone in this, and you don’t have to navigate it alone either. If this resonated with you, feel free to email me at [email protected].

I’m here for you. Sending love and strength your way!